How Do I "Uninvite" Guests?

So you are choosing to move forward with your original wedding plans and not sure how to proceed with uninviting the guests you sent the Save The Dates to?

Well, this is a very personal scenario and really depends on your family dynamics and what makes you most comfortable. I always say it’s nice to call all of the family that will be “uninvited” and explain to them that due to current events, you have to keep the wedding to a very small group of immediate family members and ALWAYS have zoom capabilities. 

These guests are your family and closest friends, they should be very understanding of your circumstances but if you have guests that would not Be understanding then you can send them a text or a paperlesspost.com informing them that based on current events, the wedding has turned virtual and please join us as we virtually celebrate our wedding on X date with this Zoom link.

Zoom is an amazing source for weddings but based on experience definitely be sure to do a test run before the actual wedding day. I am hearing that sometimes (based on your location) connecting might be spotty so Facebook Live is recommended if Zoom doesn’t work. If you were to choose the Facebook live route, then you can start a Facebook group and invite all of your guests to this group to keep them informed of the wedding updates as well as share the link and/or Live zoom on the facebook group.

After speaking to a few invitation vendors, @paperlovespell has said that you should still send the “uninvited” guests wedding invitations in the mail...but instead of an RSVP card,  replace it with a card that says:  “due to current events, we are celebrating the wedding virtually” and insert Zoom link thereafter. This way guests still feel included as part of the day and they get to see your beautiful invitation...

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The Process? Well on a regular timeline brides should mail their invites out 8 weeks prior to the wedding. This means I would mail the invites straight to the bride (if they want to handle mailing to their guests) 12 weeks prior to their wedding.

Save the Date sent but Haven't Sent Invite Yet:

In most cases, guests would have already received a Save the Date, so they are going to be wondering what's up. Not following up with the invitation card and just following up with a card that basically says they're 'cut'  would be more hurtful and make certain guests feel alienated, no matter how delicately worded. That essentially is an "uninvite".

Instead, I encourage my brides to go ahead and still mail the invites as part of the guest experience and to honor each and every one of their guests. Instead of including the RSVP card, we would add an insert (I printed these at my own expense for the bride I did this for, but of course this will vary by Stationer).

Why do this? 1. The invitations are custom created and the bride shouldn't rob herself of being able to share something she invested so heavily in. 2. It let's guests know that they were always seen as being part of their big day and just because they can't be physically present doesn't mean the bride and groom don't want them to still be a part of celebrating.

The insert can be as simple as staying that "Due to current events, we ask that you join us via a virtual toast". This does several things: 1. It closes the "what the heck is going on with their wedding" loop. 2. Reframes the current circumstances as just a different way to celebrate instead of sounding like an "uninvite". 3. Avoids 'explainers' guilt for the bride and groom. They don't need to explain that the list is being cut down to close family -- just keep it simple.

People are generally understanding and realize it's not something the bride and groom want to do, but a difficult choice that they never thought they would have to make.”

I personally also vote to include a gift or a favor in the invitation that the guests can wear on the Zoom/Facebook live wedding day so they feel included as part of the day. Maybe even go further than that and send them a little welcome bag too with a favor or small cake bites (for the cake cutting) and sunglasses for the ceremony and fun items that really represent your love with your fiance.

Also if you are really feeling heartbroken about this situation but still want to move forward with the wedding, why not celebrate your one year anniversary next year with a huge dance reception with all of your guests? Maybe mention that in the wedding website? Like although we are not able to physically be with everyone on the wedding day, we’re going to do a one year reception celebration next year so keep your eyes peeled for that invitation!